Submit to your Arachnid Overlords

I was telling my future brother-in-law that I took pictures of an unusual spider this weekend. To my surprise, he described an encounter with a spider matching the same description last week. We now have two sightings of the previously unknown Daring Jumping Spider here in OC! Apparently, they are staging a coop.
Be on the lookout for hairy black spiders with white spots. If you find one, immediately search the area for weapons of mass destruction. We can't be too careful. My co-worker was fortunate enough to capture the operative in the picture. We will be interrogating him with techniques allowed under the Geneva Convention however the Red Cross will not be given access. If deemed necessary, he will be transported to the Inland Empire where more... um... effective techniques are permitted.
Going forward, we expect everyone to stock up on Raid. Your ISP's records will be inspected for access to web pages such as spiderzrule.com and your financial records will be checked for ties to spider friendly organizations. Those of you who have been involved in suspicious activities will be subject to sneak and peak searches of your homes. If we find spider webs in your homes, we may hold you indefinitely without charges and without access to an attorney. We will not transport you to the Inland Empire as long as you cooperate.